Fighting for My Fertility: My Fibroids Story Part 2
/I had no idea that it would take almost 5 months for me to write part 2 of my journey with fibroids. If you haven’t read part 1 you can read it here. The past few months have felt long, but have managed to pass by.
Before I jump in, I wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU. Thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to leave comments on my part 1 blog post, my Instagram post, who called, sent texts and DMs, wrote cards, and gave me so much love and support from the moment I announced I had miscarried, to the days, weeks, and months after I had my myomectomy. Words cannot explain the encouragement I received from the outpouring of support.
After the Surgery
I have to admit, my laparoscopic myomectomy recovery wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. Trust me, I experienced some really bad days during the recovery but things improved significantly after the first few weeks. My periods have gotten way better and I’m actually starting to think that “Trudy the Utety” (the name for my uterus) and I might start to become friends. Before surgery, my uterus was the size of a woman who was 3 months pregnant. I always felt bloated and I hated my chubby belly with a passion.
Are My Fibroids Back?
After months of anxiously waiting, I had an ultrasound appointment with my doctor. I felt incredibly anxious from the moment I walked into the office. The wait to see him felt like an eternity. I was so worried that he’d tell me my fibroids had grown back or that things hadn’t gone as planned. I said a silent prayer and started to quote a scripture that I repeated on the day of my surgery to calm my nerves. It’s one of my favorites and gives me so much reassurance when I feel afraid, anxious, or alone. I get teary eyed whenever I read it, because it has so much personal meaning to me.
“Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.”
I can happily say that I’m currently FIBROID FREE! My uterus looks good and my fibroids have not grown back. I started crying in my doctor’s office when he told me that my hubby and I can start trying to conceive again. I left his office with a heavy bag of prenatals and a hopeful heart.
Facing Fear
Although I’m excited to try again, I’m afraid. There’s a part of me that’s worried that I’ll miscarry again. The thought of experiencing another loss feels like too much to bear. A part of me worries that my fibroids will grow back when I become pregnant, and that I’ll have to endure this whole experience again. A small part of me wonders if I’ll have trouble even getting pregnant. Despite the worries, I know that I have to face my fear. I can’t stress over something that might or might not happen. I’ve come way too far and waited so long for the opportunity to try for my rainbow baby. I can’t give up now.
It’s hard for me to believe that my initial due date would’ve been a few weeks from now. At times, I still feel emotional and sad over what could’ve been. However, I’m hopeful that the second time around will have a better outcome. I’m determined not to stress myself with trackers, apps, supplements, and the overall “pregnancy process” but I’m going to let it happen in it’s own time. I’m actually grateful that I had a few months after the surgery to be still. I’ve really needed the time to reflect, grow, and to find joy in other aspects of my life.
My sincere hope is that part 3 of my journey will include a photo of a positive pregnancy test. In the meantime you know where to find me! Stay tuned!
